The knot’s unraveling…


I’m about to have a pity party here, so if you’re not interested, feel free to move on to something else.  I’m at a point that I really need to vent about all sorts of things.

Southeast Colorado tends to have just 2 seasons.  The dead of winter and the high heat of summer.  Yesterday was 93 and today was a little better, only 90.  And it’s May.  (It’s 82 inside my house right now.)  Which means I need to get my swamp cooler cleaned up and running.  That means buying new filters and scrubbing out all the lime deposits from last summer.  Oh, and putting bleach in once a week so I don’t get legionnaires disease.  Or an upper respiratory infection.  Again.  I’d really rather have an actual air conditioner.  Ha!  According to my mother and sister, a swamp cooler is better because it puts moisture in the air.  Yea, so?  I can put a pot of water on the stove and set it to boiling and put moisture back into the air.  I want an air conditioner.  I did buy an small square fan today and it’s helping…

I’m still waiting to hear on my court date for my disability payments.  If my hours don’t increase at work – by at least 4 or 5 hours, I’m going to be in trouble.  My $2200 I had saved up to buy this house with (down payment), is now down to $1500.  That so kills me.  I have tried everything I know to get extra money coming in and nothing has worked.  I have even prayed – endlessly.  I didn’t sleep much last night because I have been worrying about it.  I’m trying not to worry and fret, but it creeps up on me.  Then I try to pray about it, but all that does is make me cry.  Then I’m cooled off for a little bit…

My great Aunt has been, tentatively, diagnosed with cancer and because of her age, she’ll be 88 next month, they have decided not to do anything except make her as comfortable as possible.  I hate that.  The same thing happened to my Dad.  He had inoperable pancreatic cancer and the prognosis was the same no matter what they did.  It just feels like giving up.  And I hate that feeling.  And I hate cancer.

My roof still has a patch on it and my ceiling is still unfinished.  And I seriously don’t think I’m going to see any of those guys again.  At least I’ve got 2 really nice ladders and some dry wall tools out of it…

I’m just tired of being poor.  I’m an intelligent, well educated woman who happens to be over 50.  Is that why I can’t find a good job?  Cause I’m older?  Just found out that the Supreme Court gave a ruling that made it harder to prove an age bias in hiring.  So now, I’m going to start pestering my Congressman and my Senators to get the new law passed that over turns the Supreme Court ruling and makes it harder for companies to practice age discrimination.

Well, I’m tired and it’s almost time for dinner, although I’m not certain what I will, or won’t, be eating.  Nothing sounds good at the moment…  If you’ve stuck with me this long, thank you and you all have a good evening.


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