Taking a chance here…

All night exposure

This is stuff that’s been on my mind for awhile and I haven’t felt like letting it out, until lately.  It was started when the Doctor finally decided I had a hernia and that it had to be fixed.  Then the surgeon added to my “worries” by telling me she thought it was torn abdominal muscles.  Fortunately, relatively speaking, the CT Scan showed a hernia.  “A big hernia”, but a hernia nonetheless.  Then the fun began.

Because of my medical history, the doctors and nurses around here don’t want to operate on me.  I have an atrial flutter, vertigo, and asthma.  So, I have a Doctor recommended to me in Denver.  And he wants to see me as soon as we can get an appointment.  That’s a two day trip.  Up the day before, meet with the Doctor, then come home.  So I will be talking to him sometime in the next week to set that up.  In the meantime, I have a Pulmonary Function Test, an Echo cardiogram and a drug induced stress test.  I already had the EKG done.  MY Doctor thinks it’s going a bit overboard, but I do understand that these guys down here have issues about dealing with someone who isn’t 100% for surgery.

For my own part, I’m getting more and more frustrated and annoyed at how long this is dragging out.  It’s been, or is close to being, 2 months since all this brew-ha-ha started.  I am still no closer to getting this thing fixed then I was 2 months ago.  Oh, and the cost – each trip to the various Doctors and Technicians costs me $2 or $3 dollars (Medicaid).  But after 8 or 9 visits to said “specialists”, it adds up.  And there is no budge in my budget.

There have been days when I’ve just wanted to sit down and cry.  Or just throw up my hands and say I’m done with it all.  But I want this hernia thing fixed.  I can’t do ANYTHING until it is.  My lifting weight limit is 5 pounds.  5 pounds.  Weigh your bags of groceries and then tell me how long it takes to unload a month’s worth of groceries.  Oh, and kitty litter.  Down here, it’s hard to find kitty litter containers less than 5 pounds.  Mostly its the 10 to 20 pound range.  Ugh.

Then there’s this whole ‘asking other people for help thing’.  I really hate to have to do that, but I can’t not ask.  I’m probably wrong, but lately I have felt like such a burden to my family and friends (here in Lamar).  Its very hard, on me at least, to tell someone, I can’t lift that, could you put it in my car?  Or, Can you put that box of books on that top shelf over there for me, please and thank you.  It just makes me feel so worthless…

Even though EVERYONE has told me not to worry about it, I’m still a little worried about the surgery.  Even if it is laproscopic surgery, I’m still going to be under a general anesthesia.  And I’ve never had any kind of surgery before at all.  Say a prayer for me and keep your fingers crossed…

*SIGH*

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