Tag Archives: arthritis

Sorry I’ve been away so long

Tall-Trees1183-1-of-1  I find myself at a new place in my life.  I find that I am content.  I am at peace.  I’ve accepted all the things that are wrong with my poor old body.  And, yes, someday one of those problems will probably kill me, but in the meantime, I’m dealing with it.  Doesn’t mean I don’t have days when my knees just kill me to try to walk on them. Doesn’t mean I enjoy days where the smoke or the dust or the heat or the cold make it hard for me to breathe, doesn’t mean I don’t have bad days anymore, it just means I’ve come to accept that it’s a part of my life and I’m just going to have to deal with those days when they come.

I’ve also found that I’m not constantly angry any more.  I don’t feel the need to get up on a soapbox every other day or so.  Yes, there are still lots of things that I am very passionate about, but I don’t get made at the whole human race, like I use to, when one small segment pisses me off, and they still do.  Actually, it saddens me to realize that there are so many wretched people in the world.  And animal and child abuse still makes me very angry, idiots who think that just because they’re unhappy or mad or stupid that gives them the right to shoot up a mall or a school or a military base, people who are so set in their ways and their view of the world that they feel it is necessary to destroy  a whole country’s history so theirs is the only point of view.  These still annoy the crap out of me and still make me very angry, however, as long as I do whatever I can do to make my little piece of the world better and happier, then God can take care of the rest of the stuff.  And I think, that’s really the bottom line.

I can’t say that I’ve “found” God.  He was never missing from my life, but I didn’t always pay attention to Him.  He’s always been there, through everything, helping to make the way smoother, when I would finally get out of the way.  I think I have finally learned how to get out of the way, to listen when God sends me a message, and to thank Him everyday whether I can see what He has done for me or not.  A lot of things I expected to go sideways in a bad way lately, haven’t.  And for that, I am so very thankful.  God is good.

So, while I try to figure out what I want to do with this blog, I may be silent for awhile, but I will do something with this, just don’t know what just yet.

Thanks for reading and I’ll be back soon.

My New Normal

Ring of Kerry_Atlantic

Lately, I’ve been dealing with what I’m calling my New Normal.  And, as with so many other things, there are several phases to go through to get to the acceptance level of my New Normal.  And I’m not really sure I’m there yet.

My New Normal life includes things like COPD, asthma, arthritis in both knees and moving up to my shoulders, a sciatic hip, and now, I have issues with my wrist from using the computer mouse wrong.  (Insert heavy sigh here.)  I’ve been dealing with the asthma for about 25 years, or so I thought.  Seems I was diagnosed with it when I was 12, but my Mom and my Doctor decided it wasn’t something I needed to know cause it was “low grade” asthma and it wasn’t really giving me much trouble.  I now understand why my Doctor would always tell me, “You know that stuff you had before?  Well, you’ve got it again.”  when I’d go in because I wasn’t feeling very well and was a little short of breath.  Was not pleased to learn this. It means I have had asthma for 48 years, give or take.  Oh, yea.

My arthritis is the result of “if I’d known I was going to live this long I’d have taken better care of myself…”  Too many twisted, popped, tweaked knee injuries over the course of my life.  I always was an accident looking for a place to happen.  But I can deal with the arthritis, as long as the barometer isn’t falling, or already in the cellar, then I have issues.  The sciatica, though, is another story completely.  I have yet to figure out what sets that off.  I can go for weeks before it flares up.  Then I can hardly walk.  Sometimes even sitting is difficult.  The same goes for my wrist.  Fortunately, when it starts up, if I just take a few minutes and let my arm hang down for a bit, everything goes away and I can go back to work.  Oh well…

The one I’m having the hardest time with is the COPD.  I’m having a real hard time dealing with the prospect of being on oxygen 24/7 for The Rest Of My Life.  I get so angry and frustrated with the stupid tanks.  I keep trying to stay off it, but I always have to give in and put the stupid nose hose on and breath the oxygen.  Oh, and I get a lot of “How long did you smoke?” remarks.  I have NEVER smoked.  The only thing I can think of is that when I was born, my lungs and sinuses were filled with mucus and not functioning very well, the Doctors put me in an oxygen tent for a week.  PURE oxygen.  For a week.  So many things get explained by that.  None of this stuff is due to anything I did.  It isn’t my fault, but I get to deal with it.  I know that having hernia surgery with the anesthesia that they used, so I wouldn’t have any problems, added to the crap with my lungs.  It was probably the straw that broke the camel’s back.  I suppose, eventually, I would have ended up on oxygen, but before I hit 60 kind of sucked.

I still try to get away with not using the oxygen all the time, like I should, and then rush to put it on when I get winded.  So, like I said, not quite at the accepted level, still at the frustration level.  Still pretty unhappy and feeling that it’s just not fair.  But there’s a small, little voice that creeps in from time to time to remind me that the option is far less acceptable.

Not as bad as I was afraid it was going to be…

Okay, so I went to my Doctor to talk about a couple of things.  Mostly my arthritis for my Disability, partly to talk about some stomach “issues” I’d been having.  Now, I have to confess, I do use WebMD, and a few other online symptom trackers/definition web sites.  So, when I put in my symptoms and hit search and everything from irritable bowel to pancreatic cancer came up, saying I was concerned was an understatement.  Even though I was concerned, I tried to remind myself that I didn’t have a lot of the symptoms for any of the possible diagnosis listed.  So I asked today.  I explained the symptoms, I could feel my stomach move, it felt like a small rock, and it hurt when I coughed or sneezed or laughed or “strained”.    And here it is – a hernia.  A Ventral Hernia, to be precise.  I really had to look to find a not gross picture of a ventral hernia.

ventral-hernia

So I’m under orders to not lift/carry anything over 5 pounds (I can’t even carry my own groceries.), rest – a lot – and have a consultation with a surgeon, to set up the surgery.  I have that set for the 29th.

Even after all the reading and questions, yes, I ask questions of my Doctor and of my sister, I’m still, concerned.  I know that hernia surgeries are done frequently and that it is really minor surgery, but it is surgery.  Am I being silly for being concerned?  My sister thinks I am.

Oh, and add to the above that I have allergy caused pink eye.  I’m just so happy with today.  But, as my Mom keeps telling me, “it could be something a lot worse and you needed to know…”

Yea, yea, yea…

Stuff and things and stuff…

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There is an old (1985 or thereabouts) Jeff Goldblum movie called “Into the Night”.  He plays an insomniac who runs into all sorts of problems when he picks up Michelle Pfieffer at the airport.  It’s a very funny movie.  I used to watch it frequently.    But after 3 days of not getting much sleep, I’m beginning to understand the character’s moments of crazy.  Not really sure why I can’t sleep.  Maybe the wind has something to do with it.  Been real windy for the last few days.

The wind is blowing right now at 17 to 26 mph with gusts up to 35 or 40 mph.  Normally, that’s nothing.  Or I should say, that’s nothing for here.  But it hasn’t stopped for 3 days.  Oh well.

I was looking around the house today and I realized that I have been here over 1 year and I still haven’t put up any pictures or posters or anything.  That’s always one of the first things I do.  Haven’t felt like it.  Oh, I have flashes.  Brief moments when I just really want a picture or poster on the wall to look at, but it passes rather quickly.  Maybe it’s cause I’m still not sure this is my home.  My land lady, who I love to pieces, just turned 93.  She’s starting to sell off her other rental units (she has 3 or 4 others), and I’m just not certain what’s going to happen here.  I really want to keep this old house, but right now, I don’t know if I have the ability to buy it from her.  I only have $1500 saved up and I’m not sure that’s enough for a down payment, even if she only wants $15,000 to $18,000 for the house.  I guess that’s another thing I’ll have to let God deal with.

I got my annual invite to work at the StarFest Convention in Denver in May.  Had to turn it down and I hated doing that.  First, I can’t afford the trip.  Gas there and back is going to run my around $125 to $150.  the room is $99 a night – for 4 nights (plus taxes and stuff), and food, which will run me about $50 (they feed you 1 meal a day except after the Con closes, then you get a big whatever is left over plus pizza meal).  So I’m looking at right around $600 or so dollars.  Probably more cause you can’t go to the Con and not shop.

The other reason I cancelled is because my arthritis is getting worse.  I wouldn’t be able to walk the whole way across the hotel in less than 15 or 20 minutes.  I used to be able to do it in 5 or less.  And even though there are elevators, those of us who work the Con usually have the rooms farthest away from the elevators.  Yea.  the Con is not going to happen for me this year.  I’m sad.

Let me see, what else has me torqued…  Ah yes.  My new car.  What a piece of junk.  I knew it had “issues” when I got it.  And you really can’t argue with the price – the cost of a Big Mac, but it is getting to be frustrating.  The master brake cylinder leaks, so about once a month, the brake light and alarm comes on, so I have to add brake fluid.  The roof is starting to crack and it leaks like a sieve and the windshield wipers are for crap.  The only thing that makes it any better than my POS truck is the gas mileage.  I get pretty good mileage out of it.

Oh well.  I think that’s enough for now.  Maybe getting these frustrations out will help me to sleep.  Certainly can’t hurt…