Tag Archives: disability

Sorry I’ve been away so long

Tall-Trees1183-1-of-1  I find myself at a new place in my life.  I find that I am content.  I am at peace.  I’ve accepted all the things that are wrong with my poor old body.  And, yes, someday one of those problems will probably kill me, but in the meantime, I’m dealing with it.  Doesn’t mean I don’t have days when my knees just kill me to try to walk on them. Doesn’t mean I enjoy days where the smoke or the dust or the heat or the cold make it hard for me to breathe, doesn’t mean I don’t have bad days anymore, it just means I’ve come to accept that it’s a part of my life and I’m just going to have to deal with those days when they come.

I’ve also found that I’m not constantly angry any more.  I don’t feel the need to get up on a soapbox every other day or so.  Yes, there are still lots of things that I am very passionate about, but I don’t get made at the whole human race, like I use to, when one small segment pisses me off, and they still do.  Actually, it saddens me to realize that there are so many wretched people in the world.  And animal and child abuse still makes me very angry, idiots who think that just because they’re unhappy or mad or stupid that gives them the right to shoot up a mall or a school or a military base, people who are so set in their ways and their view of the world that they feel it is necessary to destroy  a whole country’s history so theirs is the only point of view.  These still annoy the crap out of me and still make me very angry, however, as long as I do whatever I can do to make my little piece of the world better and happier, then God can take care of the rest of the stuff.  And I think, that’s really the bottom line.

I can’t say that I’ve “found” God.  He was never missing from my life, but I didn’t always pay attention to Him.  He’s always been there, through everything, helping to make the way smoother, when I would finally get out of the way.  I think I have finally learned how to get out of the way, to listen when God sends me a message, and to thank Him everyday whether I can see what He has done for me or not.  A lot of things I expected to go sideways in a bad way lately, haven’t.  And for that, I am so very thankful.  God is good.

So, while I try to figure out what I want to do with this blog, I may be silent for awhile, but I will do something with this, just don’t know what just yet.

Thanks for reading and I’ll be back soon.

Now, if only I knew….

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Okay so, I know, finally, that I have been approved for Disability.  I know I’ll get my back pay next month and that I’ll be getting my monthly payments the third Wednesday of the month, now if I just knew how much I was getting, I’d be in hog heaven.  But that may be a few weeks away…

See, here’s the thing, if you ever talk to a judge, make certain you make statements that are crystal clear.  And here’s why…

The Judge asked me, at one point if I had a valid driver’s license.  I said yes.  He asked if I had a car.  I said yes.  He asked if I was still driving.  I said yes.  He asked if I drove myself up to the hearing and I said no.  He asked why and I said…”My mother didn’t want me to drive up by myself.”  Turns out I should have added, “Because my windshield is cracked and there are a few other possible mechanical problems and she didn’t want me to have any problems.”

I wasn’t clear, and now I’m having to get a letter from my Doctor that says I’m mental sound and able to handle my own financial affairs.  Of course, once my sister heard, she volunteered to be my representative, for 55% of my back pay.  I don’t think so.  She did thank me for giving her the laugh of the year.  It is kind of funny and frustrating all at the same time.

At least I do know that I’m getting my money, even if I don’t know how much yet, so, even though I misspoke at the hearing, I’m relieved and happy.

And now we wait. And wait. And wait…

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So on Tuesday, at 10:30 am, I had my Disability hearing.  Had to drive to Pueblo, which is 125 miles west of here, but first we had to drive to Colorado Springs, another 50 miles or so, because my sister had a dental appointment.  Then back to Pueblo for my hearing.  I was on time, my lawyer was a little late.  We had enough time for our conference before being called into the Judge’s hearing room.  The hearing started at 10:24 am and ended 23 minutes later at 10:57 am.  There were 5 people, the Judge, the clerk, the Representative from Social Security, my lawyer and myself.  We made some concessions, they made some concessions and the hearing ended.  My lawyer says he thinks there is a 95% chance that I will be getting Disability.  He thought the judge liked me, mainly because I looked at him when I answered his questions and I answered all of his question “intelligently”.  Whatever that means.  So, now, I wait for the ruling.  It could take 4 to 6 weeks before I get the letter from the Judge saying Disability has been granted.  Then I have to wait another 2 to 4 weeks for Social Security to set up a phone call appointment to verify every thing and then another 1 to 2 weeks before I get my back pay, minus the lawyers fee.  So, I’m still waiting.

In the meantime, however…  On Valentine’s Day, I spent the morning in the ER because I had severe pain in my right hip.  Pain so bad I couldn’t move without crying.  Turns out I now have Sciatica.  The medicine they gave me for that makes me light-headed and nauseous and a bit disorientated.  I have two more days of the meds to go, and then we’ll see.  Still need to call my Doctor for an appointment.  So, yea, I gotta do that.

Plus I qualified for free weatherization of the house.  They will be here next Friday for 2 hours.  Oh joy.  It is a good thing, really, I just have a lot to do before then and, as usual, not a lot of time to do everything in.  Especially when I’m getting dizzy and disorientated and stuff.

All in all, though, I feel pretty good.  I agreed with the lawyer, I think I will get my disability, and the lawyer and Mom both think I’ll get closer to the higher end of the range, which would be wonderful.  I do feel better, even if I am groggy and light headed and stuff, and getting this house weatherized can’t but help me save money, so, all in all, I’m good.  For a change.

Well, this isn’t fun…

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Been spending an inordinate amount of time here tonight and I don’t know why.  Haven’t had any signs of sickness, not even a stomach ache so, it has to be something I ate, but, to be honest, I can’t think of what.  Unless it was the licorice.  That’s the only thing I’ve eaten lately that isn’t in my regular diet.  I love black licorice so I bought some.  But, I made it last almost a week, which is good for me.  Hum.  Still, I don’t know…

My TV went out, sort of, this week.  No picture, just sound.  Good thing I had my DVR set to record all my favorite shows.  Will be getting a new, used TV tomorrow, just need to find a place for it.  It’s bigger and older (Analog NOT LED) so it won’t fit where my not working TV is.  I don’t have much room and even less electrical outlets.  But an idea is forming… just have to do some measuring to be sure…

Got my taxes done.  Getting a decent amount back, should help me get caught up on my bills and stuff.

One finally note, next month I have my hearing for my Disability.  So hope I win.  It would be such a big help financially…  Wish me luck.

Now, it’s back to the bathroom and then, hopefully, to bed.

Good night all.

ap-1001-2731-twin-bed-low-profile(Not really my bed, but you get the drift…)

Not as bad as I was afraid it was going to be…

Okay, so I went to my Doctor to talk about a couple of things.  Mostly my arthritis for my Disability, partly to talk about some stomach “issues” I’d been having.  Now, I have to confess, I do use WebMD, and a few other online symptom trackers/definition web sites.  So, when I put in my symptoms and hit search and everything from irritable bowel to pancreatic cancer came up, saying I was concerned was an understatement.  Even though I was concerned, I tried to remind myself that I didn’t have a lot of the symptoms for any of the possible diagnosis listed.  So I asked today.  I explained the symptoms, I could feel my stomach move, it felt like a small rock, and it hurt when I coughed or sneezed or laughed or “strained”.    And here it is – a hernia.  A Ventral Hernia, to be precise.  I really had to look to find a not gross picture of a ventral hernia.

ventral-hernia

So I’m under orders to not lift/carry anything over 5 pounds (I can’t even carry my own groceries.), rest – a lot – and have a consultation with a surgeon, to set up the surgery.  I have that set for the 29th.

Even after all the reading and questions, yes, I ask questions of my Doctor and of my sister, I’m still, concerned.  I know that hernia surgeries are done frequently and that it is really minor surgery, but it is surgery.  Am I being silly for being concerned?  My sister thinks I am.

Oh, and add to the above that I have allergy caused pink eye.  I’m just so happy with today.  But, as my Mom keeps telling me, “it could be something a lot worse and you needed to know…”

Yea, yea, yea…