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Deep Thoughts

Life and Death Intermingled

I know, it sounds trivial, been used so many times, but it’s true for me just now.  I have to say, first, that I’m one of those people that get upset at the young people, who act like the world owes them something.  The world owes nobody anything.  Now, having said that, here’s the kicker…  Lately, I’ve been acting a little bit like that myself.  Ranting and pleading and begging at/to God.

I have so much to be thankful for.  I have been blessed in so very many ways.  I’m as healthy as I can be, I have a house to live in, a vehicle to get me to and from a job that I really do love.  My Mother and sister are as healthy as they can be.  My brother is doing amazingly well after his gastric sleeve surgery (already lost 100 pounds or more), and the rest of my family, near and far, are, at this point in time, healthy and happy and safe.  My kitty is healthy and, I think, happy, too.   I have food to eat and clothes to wear.  I have 2 TVs and 2 sort of computers (one works really well, one is just this side of crap) and a tablet.  I have books to read and games to play and friends that, I think, care what happens to me and, last but certain not the least at all, I have God and Jesus on my side.

So why do I act like I have nothing and need/want more?  I have been thinking about that a lot.  Deeply and thoroughly.  And I have come to the conclusion that it’s a part of the instant gratification mind set.  Like Violet in “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”.  “I want it all and I want it now”.  For example, I want a NEW car, I want a fence across the front of the yard, I want a yard of creeping thyme instead of brown grass and weeds.  I want a willow tree, a lemon tree, an avocado tree growing in my back room.  I want new, nice furniture,  I want ceiling fans in every room.  I want a real furnace and a real air conditioner.  I want a dishwasher and a washer and/or dryer.  I want a big screen TV for the living room.  I want a “catio” for Meow-Yen so she can sit safely outside and watch the birds with out me worrying about her.

And none of all this stuff will change my life much, if at all.  Yes, the dishwasher would be great as I hate washing dishes by hand.  A washer would be great, too, so I could do the laundry when I need to, rather than waiting till Sunday and doing my laundry at Mom and Cindy’s.  I would rather go over, sit around and talk, eat lunch, play dominoes and then go home.  But, again, what difference will it really make?  There will always be something else that “I can’t live without”.  And really, I don’t think I need as much as I think I do.  It all comes down to trusting God’s plan for me.  And every time, every time I try to do things by myself, it never works right, or at all.  And that, in turn, frustrates me.  Which is when I start my ranting and pleading and begging to God.  I think He’s trying to teach me patience.  I am not a good student.  Forgive me, Father God, when I’m stupid like this.

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